Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
