Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
