coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
