life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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