we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
