Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
