Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
