The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
