the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize