Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
