Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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