I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
That's intense
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
