i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
