I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
