you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
