i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
