I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
