the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
