Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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