sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
