Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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