You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
