Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
