Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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