Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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