bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
