You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You pole danced in your parka.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
