one might say we're banned from that church
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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