You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
