You made me cry and you don't even care
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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