Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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