Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
