My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize