bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
