Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
