A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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