once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
