I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
