operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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