Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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