she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
