Betty ford says i'm here all night
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
