awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
