It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
