whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
