I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So apparently I’m into choking now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
