I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
