Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
