shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
