O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
