I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
