dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
