i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize