she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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