So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize