She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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