I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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