She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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