and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
