dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Semen is not good for contacts.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
