Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
