That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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