I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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