How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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