yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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