You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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